That feeling right before you jump.

I've never been skydiving.

Wade has, and while I'd love to, at this point I can only imagine what it must feel like the moment right before you voluntarily leap out of an airplane that is 12,000 feet in the air.

While I haven't jumped out of a plane, I have jumped off of a 40 ft waterfall. It was the worst feeling in the world, followed by the best feeling in the world. Thoughts included, "What the heck are you doing? I should just get down from here right. now. This is crazy. What if you get hurt? Or worse, die!!!! Okay, you probably won't die, but it's still probably not a good idea. All right, I'm just gonna do it! Here I gooooo..... No, I can't. This is waaay to scary. I've never done anything like this before and I feel like I'm gonna be sick. But it does look kinda fun... I wonder how long I'm gonna stand here before I actually jump. What if I chicken out and it's something I always wish I'd done, I'll be so mad at myself. Ohmygoodness, THIS IS AWFUL!"

That's exactly what I feel like right now.

I feel like I was brave and made the decision to put on the suit and get on the plane, and it now I'm at that moment where they open up the big door and say, "Okay, there's nothing left to do now but jump! Don't worry, it'll be awesome!" And the my only thoughts are, "AH! WHAT WAS I THINKING!?!?"

I love this little town. I love my friends here. I love that my family is relatively close. We are making decent money. We could buy a big house with all the money we have saved up. Wade still doesn't have a job. We'll be renting again, which means this next place won't be completely "home" yet. Why on earth are we doing this again?

But back to top of that waterfall in Japan, I did eventually jump. Twice. And it was incredible. I'm so glad I did it, even though I was scared. Because that's what being brave means - even if you're scared, do it anyways. I always tell my swim lesson kids when they are afraid to jump in to me, "It's all right to be a little scared, but I want you just try it anyways. You'll see that it'll be alright, and you actually might like it!" I need to listen to myself a little bit right now!

At this point, there's no turning back now. The paper's have been signed. The money's been sent - a whole year's worth of rent! We're moving to Florida. I know everything will be okay. But still, I feel like I'm on the edge of that plane looking down and saying, "AH! WHAT WAS I THINKING!?!?"